


Atone

by formosus_iniquis



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for Ep 59, like right after, post Lunar Interlude V, spoilers for ep 65
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 19:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11238093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/formosus_iniquis/pseuds/formosus_iniquis
Summary: For all his bluff and brash attitude, there were things Taako regretted. Things that kept him up at night, things that left him shaking when he thought about them for too long, things that had feelings of guilt crawling so thick up his throat he could choke.And now he can remember.





	Atone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long rambling stream of conscious style thing to get out all these feels I've had since hearing _that_ line. I didn't relisten to ep 59 so I was going off memory, and I'm not even sure this is a coherent fic but whatever it's here

For all his bluff and brash attitude, there were things Taako regretted. Things that kept him up at night, things that left him shaking when he thought about them for too long, things that had feelings of guilt crawling so thick up his throat he could choke.

And now he can remember.

All those years that had been gone, back, and with them a new set of things to keep him up at night.

This was the quiet before the storm, or maybe this is just the eye -- a brief rest before the chaos collapses down around them again.

Taako isn't a good person, he knows that and has never pretended to be anything else. His alignment has always danced happily in that grey space between neutral and chaotic depending on what suited him. He's looted and killed and forsaken, and most of the choices he made that let those things happen he'd choose again.

Because his sins of his past are still his sins in his present -- he’s still too proud, wants too much, and covets all of those moments he couldn’t have with his sister.

Those sins of his future are in his past now. Those stone justices’ voices echoing around in his head -- so much is bouncing around in his head -- and he could laugh if it wouldn't turn hysterical because, hey, his future really was written in stone. Such cruelty. Angus. 

Maybe he should be preparing something, getting spells ready, getting anything ready. The end of the world is coming. Such cruelty. If he, they, couldn't figure it out this time it really would be the end of the world, the end of them all.

There was a little boy on the moon who had lost everything and would lose even more as he fought alongside them. Such cruelty.

They were a little rough around the edges, all of them, years they couldn’t remember shaping instincts they didn’t realize they had. It turned some goofs hard, jokes that didn’t quite land right, jokes that really weren’t jokes at all and would have set anyone else’s skin on edge. Cruelty to a boy who loves you. Why among the murder and the mayhem does that seem like one of his heaviest sins.

But Angus knows they care, that  _ he  _ cares. He’s the world’s greatest detective after all, surely he’s put the evidence together. Did that even matter though? Such cruelty, a sin thrown in beside the annihilation of Phandalin, along with the pride a person must have to think  _ they  _ can save the world. Maybe this was just one more thing he couldn’t make up for, there’s only so much you can talk your way out of.

Maybe all of the magic lessons in the world couldn’t outweigh the sighs when he asks to tag along. All of the pumpkins and the bubelehs and praises don’t erase the fact that he let Ango eat that damn macaron, it certainly doesn’t erase that devastated face he made when he realized Taako didn’t care enough to protect him from any potential cooking disasters -- but Taako  _ had  _ been so excited when they’d turned out, the kind of excitement that you get wrapped up in and want to share; and shit he’d given Lucretia one too but that was before he remembered her really.

Maybe the light didn’t always beat the darkness. Was there some chance to be a better person, a better friend -- brother? mentor? -- to Angus and he’d just missed it along the way. Some encounter like under the Capital City that he fucked up because he didn’t have Lup to push back against him, to  _ make  _ him make the right choice.

Such cruelty. Fuck. The world was cruel and had been cruel to him -- but that doesn’t mean you have to add to it, his own treacherous brain added, it sounded like Lup she was always the better twin, stronger.

Was it too late to apologize, to let his boy detective know that despite the cruelty they cared, that  _ he  _ cared. Even with the Hunger crashing down around them, a storm they couldn’t out run despite how they’d tried.

Because the world was ending and, and well Taako didn’t really think there was an and anymore. Every story had a do or die moment and, well, he kinda felt like fucking dying so this must be it. It had been a while since he’d made connections on a world they’d lived in, they usually only had a year, they were usually  _ aware _ that they didn’t have much time and he worried about other things. Now he almost hoped that whatever the Hunger did to those worlds it swallowed that its inhabitants were okay, there were too many good people on this moon base that didn’t deserve to be drug into this shit: Carey, Killian, Avi, Angus fucking McDonald.

Taako could find him, everyone was still so close together despite everything that had happened in these last few hours all the secrets come to light no one had strayed too far. Fear of what was to come, a need to say close to what was familiar even fighting through feelings of betrayal. He could do it, find Angus, take him aside and do something,  _ say  _ something. Crouch down in front of his beautiful, magic boy and let him know that Taako loves him too, maybe even give the damn kid a hug.

A light spot before the darkness to come.

Atonement for a sin he hadn’t remembered being warned about.

Give this little boy something before it all gets taken away.

Even if they make it out of this, defeat the Hunger once and for all, give everyone the happy ending they’ve been waiting for for over a century -- except Barry, except him there would always be a hole there for both of them if they couldn’t figure out how to bring Lup back -- he could do it. He should do it. It would give him one less thing to lay awake at night regretting.

He could make up for those sins of his past, now that he can remember them.

Such cruelty to a boy that loves you, fuck that he’ll show them. They’ll make it out of this; Lucretia had to have a plan, she’d been preparing for this for so long. 

He’ll take Angus even further under his wing, let the boy-wonder know he’s got someone in his corner. Taako had never been very good at being alone -- now he remembered just why that was -- and he had the feeling it was something Angus had only forced himself to be good at. 

It could be a bright spot at the end of the dark tunnel.

Such cruelty, fuck that, he couldn’t defend himself then but he could redeem himself now.

He could feel the change in the air, the Hunger was coming, he would have to move quickly. Angus first then his spells, if something were to happen Taako didn’t want one more thing to regret, he didn’t think they were going to be able to fly out of this one but fear was still there. He had something he was fighting for now.

Redemption, atonement, something to balance out the bad he had done.

More than balance, instead the scales could tip in their favor this time. Maybe this time they’d really win.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://www.formosusiniquis.tumblr.com)


End file.
